Tuesday, February 17, 2009

When Tears and Broken Hearts Agree

Commission new life, with hope
our brand new person,
first child, a brother, grandson
love dwells in every thought

Belly swells, a promise of life
fluttering begins, plans take shape
changes inside, waiting outside
the craftsman takes time

Stories told in the dark of night
how he will this
and I will that
excitement and longing grows

Scenes imagined on cue
malls an ever flowing baby parade
modern strollers, co-ordinated, accesorised
proud mums, I thought I'd be one too

Finely tuned, expertly crafted
so delicate, so dependant in the womb
doctors watch and wait, a few weeks more
horizon growing stormy, cold with fear

My child, my baby so close inside me
helpless to help him, pray
please let him be born Lord
alive to see his daddy's face

Hope and wait, pray and pray
parents today, a cry signals relief
now we are three, happy
marathon ran, all survived

Preparation is never enough
on the backdrop of fluffy blankets
minds wrestle to grasp
reality of anatomy gone wrong

Unknown words tumble forth
Patient and kind doctors explain
Surgery, transfer, emergency transport
first we will bring him in,

Maker made him, picked just for us
He knew we loved him
right from when he was really small
best place now, third floor somewhere really huge

Education, information learned, relayed
BP, HR, platelet, chromosome
too much, not enough, chimes call out
intense, neonatal, intense

Surgery stopped, the best know when
delay will save lives, he'll be stronger then
baby so still, so many machines
time passes by in fifteen minute alarms

Hope floats then drowns
be brave, stay positive, pray
make milk, it's something only I can do
cherish life, collect memories, be there

Belief outstrips, setbacks overcome
success, anatomy at last set right
hope and wait, pray and pray
Soon we will be a family at home

Created for a season, a purpose
time to leave, dignity
no more to be done, circle closing
tears and broken hearts agreed

Peace, loving arms our parting gift
yours, a whisper on the wind
richer and wiser we grew
welcoming and farewelling you

Bereaved, desolate days without end
patience till we meet in the next place,
we'll wait to see you there
in the garden, not on the third floor


  1. Chills. Just lots and lots of chills. What a simply stunning piece of writing.

    Thank you SO much for posting it.

    Thomas is so beautiful in all his photos :)

    All the best.. xxx

  2. I've been reading your older posts and just am stunned that you were able to gather your thoughts together so beautifully in this poem. I just love it. Wish I could give you a hug, have to do with sending one through the ether from Oregon. Hope you are having a good day today.

  3. What a beautiful way to tell your whole story. So few words, in the grand scheme of things. But they are so full of meaning. So fast and tumbling, yet refined. It speaks to how these things happen. And I am so so sorry for your loss.