Thursday, October 15, 2009
On this day, Families and Friends are lighting candles at 7pm. We are creating a wave of light around the world in rememberance of our babies and pregnancies that are no longer with us. Remembering the dreams that we once held for them and the love that we continue to hold close. Please if you know someone who has lost a baby or a pregnancy, please tell them that you thought of their baby and use the babys name if possible. You might see a tear, but don't be afraid, it will mean so much to hear that someone remembers.
My candle burns, it will stay burning here in Melbourne until 8.30pm when the wave of light reaches the next time zone in Adelaide.
Remembering baby Thomas
And all the babies from The Royal Childrens Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, including Mia, Jacob, Tyler, Samuel, Amelia and Josh
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
But not in this picture.
I have just picked up this beautiful sketch of my super cute baby Thomas. I am thrilled with it, it looks just like him, and there are no tubes or tape stuck to his face.
An old friend of my family is a portrait artist. I went and saw her recently and this is the outcome. I am so happy with it. I want everyone to get a portrait done. The artist is Meredith Forster, she will do sketches by mail to anywhere in the world. Her email address is merrimart (at) dodo (dot) com (dot) au. Meredith was telling me she does all kinds of portraits but she feels her calling is to do portraits of babies who have died, she has a whole album of the ones she has done over the years, babies that have been born too early and some that were born sleeping, some babies and children that have been older too.
Thanks Meredith, thanks for putting so much love and care into his portrait.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Mirne and Craig who live in the Netherlands broke the news that their third child Jet passed away on Monday. He was born on Saturday morning and lived for 3 days with his elated parents. Jet is their third child born and their third child to pass away, in the last 3 years 1 month and 1 week Mirne and Craig have lost 3 babies, firstly they lost Freja, then they lost Kees and now they have lost Jet. Losing 3 babies is totally off the scale of unfair and completely off the scale of tragedy and sadness, so far off the scale I just can't comprehend it.
I want to say to Mirne and Craig that I am so very sorry.
I am here and I will remember, I will tell people about your beautiful baby Jet, I will tell them about Kees and Freja too. I am shattered, floored and speechless. I can't begin to know what you are feeling. I can't begin to imagine how you are going to pick up your lives without any of your three beautiful children living. Its a tragic situation beyond all of my worst nightmares. I offer my condolences to you for your loss.
In my memory I go back to the morning after Thomas died, when I woke moaning and crying with a hole in my heart, I didn't want to consider going forward, I just wanted to go back. The pain is the worst I ever felt. Pain is an inadequate word. I just wanted to hold onto my Husband and be lost too. I can't imagine having to feel that raw grief again and again.
I don't think that anyone ever thought that Mirne and Craig would have to bury another baby. I know Mirne said on her blog that she wasn't taking anything for granted, just because she was pregnant didn't mean that she was going to bring a baby home to grow up and be their living family until they were old. To be pregnant is to be hopeful of a happy outcome and to have those hopes and dreams and love shredded one more time is too much. Too much to give, too many times.
I lit a candle in the window tonight and spoke Jets name. I am remembering Jet tonight, along with Freja and Kees, and keeping Mirne and Craig in my thoughts and prayers too.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
They looked so pretty in the sky. My Mother in Law said "where do you think they will end up", Rowan said "Heaven, they are going to Heaven". I hope all the little children in Heaven have a red balloon today. I hope that Thomas found the one with his name on it.
(This picture is out of order and it just wont move) I loved these candle bowls so I took lots of pictures of them, there was at least 5 in the church. Everyone came forward and lit a taper from the candle in the middle then pushed their candle into the sand.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I love stories about Pooh and Piglet and Owl and all the creatures in the Hundred Acre Wood.
I read the book "The House at Pooh Corner" by AA Milne to Thomas while he was in the NICU. I even sang the songs and did funny voices for Owl and Eyeore. It is quite a funny book and at times even the nurses were giggling at the antics.
One grandpa came over to me once while I was reading about Pooh and the Hundred Acre Wood, he told me that he thought that it was great that I was reading to Thomas, he encouraged me to keep on doing it. That was actually very sad day for me because I had realised that morning that Thomas was not going to get better. I was reading in defiance of that outcome, it was as if I read to him really well, he would live.
Here are a couple of Pooh-isms
And as they walked Piglet said nothing, because he couldn’t think of anything, and Pooh said nothing, because he was thinking of a poem. And when he thought of it he began:
What shall we do about poor little Tigger?
If he never eats nothing he’ll never get bigger.
He doesn’t like honey and haycorns and thistles
Because of the taste and because of the bristles.
And all the good things an animal likes
Have the wrong sort of swallow or too many spikes.
“He’s quite big enough anyhow,” said Piglet.
“He isn’t really very big.”
“Well, he seems so.”
Pooh was thoughtful when he heard this, and then he murmured to himself:
But whatever his weight in pounds, shillings, and ounces,
He always seems bigger because of his bounces.
“And that’s the whole poem,” he said. “Do you like it, Piglet?”
All except for the shillings,” said Piglet. “I don’t think they ought to be there.”
“They wanted to come in after the pounds,” explained Pooh, “so I let them. Its the best way to write poetry, letting things come.”
“Pooh!” squeaked the voice.
“It’s Piglet!” cried Pooh eagerly. “Where are you?”
“Underneath,” said Piglet in an underneath sort of way.
“You,” squeaked Piglet. “Get up!”
So he sat down on the stone in the middle of the stream, and sang another verse of his song, while he wondered what to do.
The other verse of the song was like this:
I could spend a happy morning
I could spend a happy morning
For it doesn’t seem to matter,
If I don’t get any fatter
(And I don’t get any fatter),
What I do.
The sun was so delightfully warm, and the stone, which had been sitting in it for a long time, was so warm too, that Pooh had almost decided to go on being Pooh in the middle of the stream for the rest of the morning, when he remembered Rabbit.
Its a Jagular,” he said
“What do Jagulars do?” asked Piglet, hoping that they wouldn’t.
“They hide in the branches and drop on you as you go underneath,” said Pooh. “Christopher Robin told me”
“Perhaps we better hadn’t go underneath, Pooh. In case he dropped and hurt himself”
“They dont hurt themselves,” said Pooh. “Theyr’e such very good droppers.”
“Pooh” said Piglet reproachfully, “haven’t you been listening to what Rabbit was saying?”
“I listened, but I had a small piece of fluff in my ear. Could you say it again please Rabbit?”
“Rabbit’s clever” said Pooh thoughtfully.
“Yes said Piglet, “Rabbit's clever”
"And he has Brain”
“Yes” said Piglet, “Rabbit has Brain”
There was a long silence.
“I suppose, said Pooh, “that that’s why he never understands anything.”