This Page is for the lessons that I am following in the bible study called

Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy, A Pregnancy Loss Bible Study
By Teale Fackler and Gwen Klik
Here is where you can look at the e-book

LESSON 1 ..... see my blog page titled "My Story"

Question #1
Where did I go to find out the truth and what resources helped me initially as I tried to understand my loss.
  • I had great information at my fingertips when Thomas was in the hospital, the nurses and Doctors answered all my questions time and time again. They have offered to answer more questions if they come up, I feel comfortable about asking them.
  • The Internet is a great resource of information. I found some answers there. Of course it was not softened or delivered in a way that took into account the fact that my baby had just died so it was a bit of a harsh way to find things out. The internet can provide lots of support and care too, like "glow in the woods" and others of similar content.
How I felt about the ability of the people helping me.
  • They were very patient and kind at the time, but there is always a point where you have to be alone and continue to be alone. That is the hardest part, the loneliness.
How I felt about my answers
  • Answers didn't change what happened. Although I did feel more at peace about taking Thomas off life support once we heard the results of the autopsy. I had wondered many times if we acted too soon. At the time I was sure that it was the right time. But afterwards I kept looking back and questioning, torturing myself with what if's. The autopsy report changed that for me.
Psalm 19:7-10 reads .... The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living. Reverence for the Lord is pure, lasting forever. The laws of the Lord are true; each one is fair. They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold. They are sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb.

I believe this scripture is telling me to seek answers from God.

II Timothy 3:16, 17 reads .... You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.

I understand that this scripture is telling me that the scriptures have taught me good things. I am not sure how the wisdom to receive salvation and correction when I am wrong will help me understand Thomas' death.

Hebrews 4:12 reads .... For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires

The Word of God is the Bible, and it is alive and powerful, Amen.

According to these verses why should we use the Bible as the source book for ultimate truth?

  • The bible is the supernatural Word of God, it is alive, it teaches me wisdom, it teaches me right from wrong.

Question #2
Where does life come from? Beyond biology, consider the soul and Gods role in our lives.

Genesis 2:7 reads .... Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person

Deuteronomy 32:39 reads .... Look now; I myself am he! There is no other god but me! I am the one who kills and gives life; I am the one who wounds and heals; no one can be rescued from my powerful hand!

Hebrews 4:12 reads .... You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Four things God does for us (Isaiah 46 :3-4) and how long he will do them for.
  • He has cared for us since we were born.
  • He carried us before we were born.
  • He made us.
  • He will carry us and save us. 
  • He will do this throughout my lifetime, he was carrying Thomas too.

After Mary conceived Jesus she went to visit her cousin Elisabeth.
Elizabeths baby leaped for joy at the sound of Mary's voice.
Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and knew that Mary was carrying the Saviour.
God formed Thomas in my womb, he knew him before he was born.
Jack Hayford writes, ...our spirits - the essence of our life- exist from conception & beyond for our eternal lifetime.”
  • Thomas' spirit existed before he did, his spirit goes on for eternity
  • he was formed by God in my womb
  • he was too weak to live
  • God does not make mistakes
  • or punish me
  • or punish babies, There must be a reason that God made Thomas weak.
The Blind man in John 9:1 was born blind but Jesus said it had nothing to do with his parents sins. Jesus said this happened so the power of God could be seen in him. Jesus spread a mixture of mud and dirt and saliva on the mans blind eyes and sent him to wash in the pool of Siloam. My reaction to having mud and dirt and saliva in the eyes is that it would be painful and hard to wash out, there would be remaining bits of dirt irritating the eyes for days. I would not like it.

I was told by someone that Thomas was born unwell because of my sin and my husbands sin. I don't have anything to do with that person anymore. I do believe that Thomas was a miracle baby. He got here against all the odds, he lived for four and a half months. The doctors told me that they had never had another patient with the same set of medical issues that Thomas had, he fought and fought and he kept on living. We still haven't seen the full impact of his life. At the time many people were praying, they were so focussed on receiving the Miracle of his healing, when the Miracle of his birth was primarily overlooked.

In a similar way that Jesus used the irritating grit and spit to heal the blind mans eyes, God has used my H.sband to bring healing to my life. I dont like having friction in my life, there are many things that I would love my h.sband to do but he doesn't do, I would love him to stop doing some things that he continues, he doesn't even seem to notice that he is irritating. I thought being his wife would be love and togetherness and while I love him dearly, I very rarely see our life as romance. I don't know why I am being healed by an irritating h.sband. I will praise God that He knows what is going on.

The Lord says "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness" In Matthew 18:8, scripture tells us that we are better off in heaven missing limbs or eyes, that the one who sins and keeps both eyes but is thrown into hell. It seems that our physical body is not important to God. He would have weak amputees who rely on his grace that His power can work through, rather than whole beings that have rejected God and chosen a life of sin, and an eternity of Hell. God is on about Eternity, what is important to Him is that you choose Him.

Matthew 18:10 Jesus tells us that any of these "little ones" have angels in Heaven, that are always in the presence of my heavenly Father. My baby Thomas had an Angel assigned to him while he was with us, so I don't have to feel guilty about all those hours that I couldn't be with him at the hospital. His angel was watching him and relaying everything to God. Jesus said let the little children come to him. Scripture tells us that when we are away from our earthly bodies, we will be with the Lord, and when Jesus comes back He will bring back the believers who have died. I cannot bring him back just as David realised that, so do I realise, that the only way I will be reunited with Thomas is when I die. I need to make sure I go to the same place.

 “As I stood there in that suddenly empty room, I was suddenly swept with a tide of absolute knowing that (she) still was.  I do not mean that I thought her body might still live; I knew it didn’t. But past faith and belief, I knew quite overwhelmingly that she herself - her soul- still was.” 
Sheldon VanAckuen - A Severe Mercy (1977)

My "WHY" questions
  • Why me, I am not special, I have already had plenty of crappy stuff happen in my life, I believe you blessed our marriage.
  • Why did you listen to me when I prayed and told you that I didn't care what was wrong with the baby that I was going to love it anyway, this was when I felt I was having a miscarriage at 9 weeks. The pain stopped when I prayed.
  • Why were we let down so badly by the church we attended. Why were we gossiped about, and why weren't we given some more support. Why didn't some more people come to pray with us.
  • Why did you put Thomas together how you did, he was extremely sick.
  • Why is grief so painful. How can I reconcile the pain of grief with the knowledge that Thomas is in Heaven.
I know I cannot understand the activity of God who does all things. His ways are higher than my way and His thoughts higher than my thoughts, beyond my imagination.

“When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No answer.’  It is not the locked door.   It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze.  As though He shook His head not in refusal but in waiving  the question.  Like, ‘Peace, Child; you don’t understand.’”    CS Lewis, A Grief Observed (1961)

God will help me by bringing the Holy Spirit, He will comfort me, He promises an end to my pain. God comforted us when our baby died, He sent His beautiful peace, he sent us a beautiful day. We were comforted by the staff at the hospital who have been with countless families that have farewelled their baby, we were also comforted by the other families that were staying at RMD House, they knew how terrible the worry and waiting is when you have a sick child. I would like to be comforted now by having my H.sband talk to me. I want to talk to him about our baby because he is the other person that Thomas' death really affected. Unfortunately I can't talk to him because he is shut down on this topic. I feel that it would be wrong to let someone else into that place, unless they actually had been there themselves and it was a mutual support system. 

“Surely He did see our path. 
Surely He did know her before she was conceived. 
Surely He has been glorified.”  
Gwen Kik 1994

Hope (Romans 15:4) Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.