What a beautiful day it was on Saturday. You can't help but have hope when the water is as sparkly as this. There was nowhere else I would have rather been at that moment.
The water was so clear and blue, the seagulls were just checking me out as I walked. The tiny fish were just centimetre's from my toes at the edge of the water. I got a little bit sunburnt, but I had my hat on. It was the perfect temperature, warm but not hot. There was hardly any wind on the sand, just a little balmy breeze, when at home (which is only 4km from the beach) it was really windy.
I have had some not so good news with my health. I lost quite a lot of weight last year, using C.K the website. But then I was away for about 8 months and I have put some weight back on (about 7kg's). On Friday my BP was 159 on 52, its a weird reading. Because I have Diabetes and because a blood test shows some small signs that my kidneys are not happy, this BP reading means that I am a candidate for Hypertension medication. Which I naturally want to try and avoid.
The possibility of having to take Hypertension medication when you are still in your 40's is enough to make me think about my life, my whole life. Do I want to be sick until I die, or do I want to be healthy and active and happy. What sort of quality of life do I want? Of course I want a future with lots of experiences and love, happiness and relationships, and freedom from health issues seems to be the key.
I know that BP medication does not signal that I am about to become infirm and climb into a wheelchair. It does make me think about my expectations for my future, and I expect to be here for quite a lot longer. How much longer I wonder? It's not something that I have ever thought about or even attempted to visualise what I would look like in old age. I am not quite at the point where I can see myself as an old woman. I joke about being old when I get out of a comfortable chair and my joints are all stiff and sore. And I blame old age when I limp in the mornings before my feet get warmed up, and I try not to look Granny like now my eyes are losing the ability to easily focus and I have to get my glasses to thread a needle.
The Doctor said to me, "I'll give you 3 months to lose some weight and get your blood pressure under control. If it's still high, I will put you on some medication."
So now I am back to weight loss mode and loving it. I love C.K, it's so into details, and I know it's the details that count when I lose weight. Details like minutes and grams. I love it when my calories consumed and exercise calories burned, add up to the right number at the end of the day. I have been back for 2 days and I feel good, I feel like I have been un-puffed. My puffy fingers and face are looking and feeling more normal. I am on the toilet a million times a day. Flushing all that fluid away.
I have lugged this weight around for the last 30 years. It's time to get it out of my life.
It's also time to have some hope for the future. I am going to embrace the idea that I will get old and probably be a granny, but I have hope that I will be as active and healthy as possible.