Our Baby Thomas: Which one is the real me?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Which one is the real me?

I went to the Melbourne Zoo today and I took this picture of a Meerkat.

But it looks like two. Its not hard to work out which one is real, but it makes you think for a second.

One is not really there, its just her reflection on the glass, an illusion due to the late afternoon winter sunshine.

One is real, one is not.

Just like me, I wonder if the person I am today is the new real me. Or not.

1 comment:

A.PAugust 18, 2009 at 4:41 AM
I just wanted to let you know that you have a new follower. I am not a babylost mama but I was lead to babylost blogs through my friend Lea's blog (Nicholas's Touch) and have been reading the stories...I became a mom myself last year and am trying to educate myself on how better to deal with women who have lost children, either in birth or post natal, like your beautiful peanut Thomas. My work brings me into contact with people in various stages of grief at various points and I feel trying to understand what parents need and don't need in their grieving process may at least help me do my job better when called to.... Anyways, your story breaks my heart, your angel is gorgeous, and even though I obviously knew that he had passed, reading your entries around that time made me cry and hurt my heart for you and your family. Keep blogging, we are listening, good or bad. Thank you for sharing your story amd I hope you don't mind my following it.
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About this blog

Thanks for visiting my blog. These are my memory pages. Dedicated to the life of our baby Thomas who spent 4 1/2 months in the neonatal intensive care unit at the Royal Childrens Hospital in Melbourne, this collection of writing and pictures documents his life from his birth in October 2007 until he passed away in February 2008.
I have posted the emails that I wrote to family and friends and some of the photos that I took. Some of the poetry was written by me and some of it I have found in my bereavement travels.
Grief is not logical, I do not know where it will take me day by day, but I have found that it is better if I don't resist, it is better if I let it take me where it will.

Our Beautiful Baby Thomas

Thomas was born on 17th October 2007 and he died 135 days later on the 28th February 2008.
Thomas was born with Down Syndrome, Tracheal Osophageal Fistula and Osophageal Atresia, Tracheal Broncheo Malasia and Pulmonary Hypertension, he had a lot to fight.
On the night he was born Thomas was transferred to the Royal Childrens Hospital in Melbourne for surgery to repair his Osophageus, that is when the Pulmonary Hypertension was discovered and surgery had to be stopped. We waited 15 weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit until he was well enough to have the surgery again. But in the weeks following surgery the Pulmonary Hypertension became more and more severe, to the point that the doctors told us that there was nothing left to do.
Thomas died with me and his daddy and his brother and his nurse. We held him and talked to him, we watched him go, quietly he slipped away.
I will never be the same again.