Friday, August 28, 2009

Is there anybody out there?

I told everyone off last night.

My whole family.

All of them, all at once (together).

I told them that I need to talk about my baby. My dead baby.

I told them that they are ignoring my grief and stepping around talking about him. I told them I feel unsupported and alone in my grief.

I told them I know they are too upset to reveal their true feelings. That they are anxious about distressing me and they don't want to be emotional. My family are all about not being vulnerable.

I got my point across, they agreed that they have been scared of their feelings and they all said that they would try to see it from my point of view.

They agreed that Thomas is an important member of our family and he deserves to be remembered. They agreed that dates like his birthday are important and that they would write his birthday on their calendars every year, just like the rest of us living people.

That sorted that out.

It felt good to get that off my chest.

I know my relationships will be better for it.

Then I woke up.


  1. Awww crap.

    If it helps at all my family are the same. No one talks about it. Not at all. And they've left me alone this whole pregnancy. We've barely seen any of them. Though some of that was our choice.

    I'm here.

  2. Thanks Sophie,

    I really did dream all that stuff. It must bother me more than I think it does.

    The problem is I don't know if I would have behaved any differently from them, that is if the world hadn't crashed around me and I hadn't been left standing in these dead baby Momma shoes.

    Thanks for being there.

  3. Can echo what pp Sophie said. Julie, we are in the same boat. I have given up holding my breath (for I would be forever blue in the face) waiting for my family to remember our DD on her birthday, let alone the day she passed.

    I'm dreadfully sorry. And wish to heaven there was some way, without having to put every last one of them through the same thing, to show family at the very least how important it is to remember the birthdays of our babies each year. It's a very big burden placed on the parents, when we're the only ones who seem to continue the legacy and memory of our children - and then, if we don't and after we've gone... who will?

    I wish more people (family) would get that. xxx

  4. I found your blog through another. Your little Thomas looks like a sweetie and I am so sorry for your loss. It took me years to find a way to ensure that I could say my brother's name aloud without uncomfortable pauses or silences. So in some way I get it. I'm sending you my love.