Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Why I feel So Rotten

I have been feeling unwell for a while so I eventually went to the doctor and asked him to tell me why. He ordered some blood tests and listened to my symptoms, he also looked carefully at a lump I have growing on the knuckle of my index finger.

Lately I have been feeling really flat, I have been having palpitations, I can't seem to wake up in the morning, I can't seem to get going either. I have been feeling sluggish and sad, resentful of working, and powerfully sleepy in the afternoon. I haven't been interested in being intimate, I have had yuckky and long menstration, symptoms of PMS at the wrong times with an aching belly and tender breasts. I have been gaining weight steadily, with sore and stiff feet, and fluid collecting under the skin on my shins. And I had a lump on my finger that was sore.

Even I feel sorry for me after reading what I just wrote.

Anyway the upshot of the blood test is that I have Hypothyroidism. All of the things described above can be symptoms of it. Except the lump. Add the above symptoms with depression and anxiety, low heart rate, sensitivity to heat and cold, and one I don't have, high cholesterol, and you have an almost complete picture of my unhealthy grieving mind and body. I was just going along with this poor state of health, I was waiting for the day I would start to feel better. Apparently I had to do something about it. I have become used to feeling unhealthy, I wonder if I will feel, dare I say, good, soon. I hope so, I hope feeling good doesn't mean that I will stop being sad about Thomas dying.

Since I received that diagnosis I have been reading about Thyroid testing. I know that Hypothyroidism can run in the family because Thomas had it too. After Thomas was diagnosed with it, one of the first things that the doctors asked me about was the family history. My Grandmother had Hashimotos Disease which happens with untreated Hypothyroidism. For me, I need to take a thyroxine tablet everyday for the rest of my life, I need to have some more blood tests to determine the level of medication required but I need to take the medication for a few weeks first.

There were other things that they checked with varying degrees of good and bad, but the thing about the Hypothyroidism is that I have it and Thomas had it too. Maybe I gave it to him, genetically speaking, although apparently if you have Down Syndrome there is a higher likelihood of having a Thyroid issue. I am not happy about giving it to him, but I feel sort of closer to him because of it.

I have been reading as I said earlier, one of the reasons for secondary infertility is thyroid disfunction. It also can cause birth defects and cause problems in pregnancy. I wonder how many people out there who are ttc have checked their thyroid function. I can't remember when mine was last checked. I would think that mine has been bad for a while. Maybe it was the reason I lost a pregnancy at 5 weeks in April of last year. I had no idea that it could affect pregnancy, the doctor didn't suggest testing back then either.

I don't feel better yet but I have started taking the Thyroxine, and Vitamin D tablets because I have a deficiency, It is good to know that I don't have to feel so bad. Feeling bad is so tiring. Have you had a check up or a blood test lately?

Here is a picture of my finger and the reported Lump. It's not very big, it's below my fingernail on the left side. It doesn't show up on the x-ray so the doctor says not to worry about it.


  1. I was diagnosed with Hoshimoto's Disease 8 years ago. What happens is your body makes antibodies that attacks the thyroid. Eventually they will kill off the thyroid. It does not have anything to do with treating or not treating hypothyroidism. Chances are if you had the test run for the antibodies you would have them too. I am so sorry that you do not feel well. I understand completely. It is a horrible disease to have. You look normal. You're not dying from it, so people expect you to act normal. Many people think that you are just lazy because you have no energy. They don't understand how if affects your body. I pray that being on the meds will help you. This past year I switched over to a natural form called Armour Thyroid and I feel like it has done wonders for me. It will take time, but you should notice a difference in energy levels within just a few weeks. As for the other symptoms it should help but for me it never really takes them away.
    As for the lump on your finger I actually used to get those too. I really do feel like they are related to the disease, but after a few months of being on medication mine went away. I hope the same for you too.

    Good luck and if you ned to talk feel free to contact me.


  2. I'm glad they have found a reason for your symptoms but sorry that it involves taking medication for the rest of your life.

    My Dad has hypothyroidism and I've been checked out.

    I hope you feel your energy returning soon.


  3. Yes glad to hear that you are on your way to feeling better.

  4. Thanks everyone for your support. I forgot to say in the post that hypothroidism causes foggy brain and forgetfulness too. Obviously my foggy brain couldn't hold all the facts together and I got the Hoshimoto's thing wrong. Sorry to mislead and thanks to Mrs Ramirez for putting me straight. Thanks also for the offer of contact too.

  5. Julie, how are you? Have your symptoms been improving?

  6. Hi Being Me, thanks for asking, yes I am feeling so much better. The foggy brain thing still happens but it's not as relentless. I started to lose weight as well because I was diagnosed with Diabetes and high blood pressure, and I am now minus 28kg. I can hardly believe it. I have worked really hard and I have at least 20kg to go but the changes in my physical body are amazing. I have lost 28kg in 21weeks. Some people have critisised me for doing it too fast, I think the thyroid medication helps, blood tests are not showing any abnormal levels, so I will just lose weight and be proud of my effort. I am looking forward to your book, sounds like its nearly there.

  7. P.S. I haven't stopped being sad about Thomas dying. I am aware of a different stage of grief. Kamikaze style sneaky grief is still with me, it just up and attacks for intense short periods. I am aware that I need to do something, I am considering getting his clothes and bunny rugs out for a memory quilt. I don't know what to do about the enormous box of in the shed which is filled with his things, including a brand new pram, car seat, rocker chair. I have this idea that I am running out of time. I don't think I can sell something like a dead babies pram, who would buy it? He obviously never used it. Its still too hard. I still need time. Do you think it will get any easier?

  8. Julie, it DOES get easier. It truly does xxxx As for selling things, well... we did. Eventually. Realistically, we had to. But it was a 'head thing' that had to simmer down and we sold or gave things away when it felt ok.

    When I was able to lift my head out of the grief cloud (some 2-3years later, even more maybe), I saw that I was placing a lot of symbolism onto material things/objects. Once I had reconciled in my heart that none of these objects truly represented my daughter and that the connection I had with her was beyond anything material, I was at peace with getting rid of them.

    Good luck, Julie xoxo