Why I feel So Rotten

I have been feeling unwell for a while so I eventually went to the doctor and asked him to tell me why. He ordered some blood tests and listened to my symptoms, he also looked carefully at a lump I have growing on the knuckle of my index finger.

Lately I have been feeling really flat, I have been having palpitations, I can't seem to wake up in the morning, I can't seem to get going either. I have been feeling sluggish and sad, resentful of working, and powerfully sleepy in the afternoon. I haven't been interested in being intimate, I have had yuckky and long menstration, symptoms of PMS at the wrong times with an aching belly and tender breasts. I have been gaining weight steadily, with sore and stiff feet, and fluid collecting under the skin on my shins. And I had a lump on my finger that was sore.

Even I feel sorry for me after reading what I just wrote.

Anyway the upshot of the blood test is that I have Hypothyroidism. All of the things described above can be symptoms of it. Except the lump. Add the above symptoms with depression and anxiety, low heart rate, sensitivity to heat and cold, and one I don't have, high cholesterol, and you have an almost complete picture of my unhealthy grieving mind and body. I was just going along with this poor state of health, I was waiting for the day I would start to feel better. Apparently I had to do something about it. I have become used to feeling unhealthy, I wonder if I will feel, dare I say, good, soon. I hope so, I hope feeling good doesn't mean that I will stop being sad about Thomas dying.

Since I received that diagnosis I have been reading about Thyroid testing. I know that Hypothyroidism can run in the family because Thomas had it too. After Thomas was diagnosed with it, one of the first things that the doctors asked me about was the family history. My Grandmother had Hashimotos Disease which happens with untreated Hypothyroidism. For me, I need to take a thyroxine tablet everyday for the rest of my life, I need to have some more blood tests to determine the level of medication required but I need to take the medication for a few weeks first.

There were other things that they checked with varying degrees of good and bad, but the thing about the Hypothyroidism is that I have it and Thomas had it too. Maybe I gave it to him, genetically speaking, although apparently if you have Down Syndrome there is a higher likelihood of having a Thyroid issue. I am not happy about giving it to him, but I feel sort of closer to him because of it.

I have been reading as I said earlier, one of the reasons for secondary infertility is thyroid disfunction. It also can cause birth defects and cause problems in pregnancy. I wonder how many people out there who are ttc have checked their thyroid function. I can't remember when mine was last checked. I would think that mine has been bad for a while. Maybe it was the reason I lost a pregnancy at 5 weeks in April of last year. I had no idea that it could affect pregnancy, the doctor didn't suggest testing back then either.

I don't feel better yet but I have started taking the Thyroxine, and Vitamin D tablets because I have a deficiency, It is good to know that I don't have to feel so bad. Feeling bad is so tiring. Have you had a check up or a blood test lately?

Here is a picture of my finger and the reported Lump. It's not very big, it's below my fingernail on the left side. It doesn't show up on the x-ray so the doctor says not to worry about it.