Is there anybody out there?

I told everyone off last night.

My whole family.

All of them, all at once (together).

I told them that I need to talk about my baby. My dead baby.

I told them that they are ignoring my grief and stepping around talking about him. I told them I feel unsupported and alone in my grief.

I told them I know they are too upset to reveal their true feelings. That they are anxious about distressing me and they don't want to be emotional. My family are all about not being vulnerable.

I got my point across, they agreed that they have been scared of their feelings and they all said that they would try to see it from my point of view.

They agreed that Thomas is an important member of our family and he deserves to be remembered. They agreed that dates like his birthday are important and that they would write his birthday on their calendars every year, just like the rest of us living people.

That sorted that out.

It felt good to get that off my chest.

I know my relationships will be better for it.

Then I woke up.

Which one is the real me?

I went to the Melbourne Zoo today and I took this picture of a Meerkat.

But it looks like two. Its not hard to work out which one is real, but it makes you think for a second.

One is not really there, its just her reflection on the glass, an illusion due to the late afternoon winter sunshine.

One is real, one is not.

Just like me, I wonder if the person I am today is the new real me. Or not.